Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
