my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
