I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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