did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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