i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
should my penis look like a turkey
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
