he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
