3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
