Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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