i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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