i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
