Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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