Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
