Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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