By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize