I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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