one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize