Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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