Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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