it hurts more in the daytime
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
