Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize