Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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