I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
3 2 1 whiskey
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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