Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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