I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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