Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
