It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
