i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
