Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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