Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
