Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
