He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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