her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
