he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
