Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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