i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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