i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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