drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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