so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
