You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize