i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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