I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
