I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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