He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
