I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
