it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This baby is an asshole
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
