and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
