I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
