Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
