hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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