dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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