I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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