We won't sleep together?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
