So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
BRING THE BAGELS
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
