But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
