dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Are we still banned from the library?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
