i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
