She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
