Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
