i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
