Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
