please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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