So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
