every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
