When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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