Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
