You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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