This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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