His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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