Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
