There was a lot of him and a little penis
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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