You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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