Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
