She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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