just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize