Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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