Soap is not a condiment
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
