Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
