is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
