His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize