found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
