Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
