my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
